He SAID: That About Sums It Up…

Christopher M. Enis

“This is it, tonight is kinda special.”
Yeah, that came from an old beer commercial but it fits the Oscars, too. Awards Season un-officially comes to a close with “the most glamorous time of the year”. I usually don’t do the Red Carpet shows, I don’t know what to think of them, really.  But this year, I thought I’d step outside of my comfort zone and watch. What did I think?
  • Robin Roberts looks awesome. She’s a bad ass and I love her.
  • Margaret Avery is 71 and looking damn Shug (Color Purple joke, I’m old).
  • Lady GaGa wore a dress that took 2 months to make and her glove game is strong… like super-hero strong.  She was sporting red gloves that look like they were bought at Comic-Con. Okay.
  • Speaking of superheroes: Captain America (Chris Evans) showed up with a friend, whom he wanted to make sure everyone in the world knew wasn’t his date.  So ladies, you still got a shot because his Oscar homie doesn’t?  I don’t know… I’m confused.
  • Zoe Saldana was trending because she had twins and was looking “gorgs” (I think that’s a thing the kids say these days), one week after  Iggy Azelea quit social media because people went in on her butt cellulite – and Beyonce’s Army went on the rampage because some untouched photos  “leaked” (by whom, the KGB?). I’m glad that someone is getting some love about their looks. That is, until they see Saldana breast feeding at a Tim Hortons or something and she’ll be getting hated on, too.  Social Media is dysfunctional as a family reunion when your uncle shows up with his new boyfriend and he didn’t tell his wife about him.
  • Scarlett Johanssen showed up, and all folks could talk about was her hair.  I’m certain that the majority of these people were women. I’m just saying.
  • Is there anyone in Hollywood above the age of puberty that Kevin Hart is taller than?  I think that even Prince is taller than that dude.
  • Melanie Griffith and her daughter, Dakota Johnson, showed up together.  I bet that seemed like a good idea at first. But after about 50 interviewers asking Mom if she’s seen/will see her daughter’s first big starring role (which is a fair question I suppose), someone might be rethinking their life choices. That role just happened to be in 50 Shades Of Grey and… gosh… who wouldn’t want to see their kid in a BDSM film?
  • Common brought his mom. What a good son.
  • John Legend brought his supermodel wife, Christie Teigen, who was wearing a super-duper-hot-to-death dress with a slit so high, you could almost tell what religion she was.  I ain’t mad, though.
  • Chris Pratt and his wife are so funny, attractive, cute, cool…God, I hate them.
  • Ms. Lupita wore a dress made out of pearls.  Man, the bathroom break is going to be epic.
  • The Team Oscar 2015 segment was nice. I do believe the children are our future.
  • So the Oscars Red Carpet show became this:  I…I can’t.  I’m out.

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